Nice Guys (And Why They Suck)

Being Dumped. Chances are, if you've dated, you've experienced it. And unless you're a masochist, you don't like it.

I'm not a masochist.

I've been on both sides of the dumping often enough. Despite the sheer awkwardness of dumping someone, which I always thought was worse than people gave it credit for, I'd still rather be the dumper than the dumpee. If you're lucky enough to have been on the easy side of the dumping more often than not, anyone who's ever been dumped can tell you, one time is still too many. Even when a relationship is falling apart around you, even if you can see the asteroid hurtling toward you and you've already put on your Anti-Fiery Cataclysm Jacket (TM), it still sucks with the force of a black hole.

I've dated more than my share of emotionally stunted jackasses, which explains the reason for the dumper/dumpee imbalance. But I've always have a soft spot for Nice Guys. And no one can break your heart like a truly nice guy. Here's why:

1. Nice Guys want to let you down easy. They say things like, "You're too good for me" or "I have to get my act together before I'm ready for a relationship." Nice Guys dump you because they're insecure, or they have issues with commitment, or because you scare the crap out of them. They go to great pains to make sure you know it's Not Your Fault. Nice Guys don't want to you to blame yourself, so they hold your hand and tell you how beautiful you are, and how they don't deserve you. Then they bail.

2. Nice Guys don't want to hurt you. They obsess over everything they've (theoretically) done to displease you and blame themselves any time you feel unhappy. Nice Guys are so afraid of failing you that they set themselves up to fail. They think you deserve something close to Perfection and, since it's impossible, they give up. They hurt you because they're afraid of hurting you. They justify this to themselves because...

3. Nice Guys assume you'll be Okay. You're strong. You're loved. They didn't make you happy anyway. You're better off without them. And, worst of all, you'll Find Someone Else.

4. Nice Guys don't understand irony. They dump you because they want you "to be happy." They honestly think that the best way for them to address their Intimacy Issues is to break up with you and start seeing a therapist.

5. They want to Be Friends. This is the worst of all, the way they expect you to maintain cordiality, to still come to birthday parties and family functions, to smile and maintain polite conversation in the presence of other people. They post on your Facebook wall, share funny stories, and message you to ask How You Are. They Offer To Help. They thank you for Being In Their Life.

The reason it hurts is because you have no reason to be angry. Anger is energizing. It gives you the pep you need to Move On. It helps you to remember that you deserve better. But when a guy is so kind, so complimentary, so Interested In Your Well-Being, you don't have any way to mask the rejection. Because, in the end, Nice Guys (despite their sincere best efforts) remind you better than anything else in life that you just weren't good enough.